Monday, April 14, 2008

Working isn't so bad....

Somedays I feel bad for myself...poor me I have to go to work for a couple hours a day and then I capture pictures like this of Dani at work with me and realize I'm blessed! I couldn't ask for a better job that keeps her with me.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Coming to California

I know its been awhile since I've blogged, every time I get on the computer I've been feeling an enormous amount of pressure to blog and so I've just been avoiding it. Here I am trying to get over it...there isn't any reason I haven't been blogging I guess I haven't felt like I had any thing to talk about. I've kinda been in a funk because of a couple of changes in circumstance.

Ok I know out with it, in December Mike & I were approached by our good friends here to possibly carry their baby for them...they've been trying to have a baby since before we met them and due medical circumstances she is currently unable to carry her own baby. Her sister was going to but that didn't work they asked us - me it didn't come completely out of the blue I had commented that I would be open to it when they realized they would need a gestational carry. They would make truly amazing know when you meet people that can't have children and you know that there must be a mistake.

Anyways many of you are probably saying they should just adopt which is what I said before I had Danika. But the truth is there is a completely different experience that comes with having your own child created by you and your husband...that has many of your characteristics and mannerisms. I think adoption is wonderful but I do respect people's decision to try every avenue before going that route. So Mike & I prayed about this and felt that God was calling me to carrying their baby. I began getting different tests done to see if my body would be a good fit and it was so we got a green light to go forward.

I didn't tell many people because I didn't want their reactions to sway our decision...I felt that this was exactly what I was suppose to do. So I began the process of getting my body ready to receive this embryo by hormone injections, this was definitely not my favorite part...but it wasn't too bad. Mentally I was preparing to carrying this baby for someone else, I had to have a psychological evaluation and we met with attorneys that spelled everything thing out in black and white.

So the day before the transfer where they implant the embryo in my body the fertility office called to report that none of the embryos made it through the unfreezing process. Our friends were devastated...and I was shocked, I thought this is what God had called me to do. I felt confused as to why I would go through this...I know God has a plan bigger than I can comprehend but that doesn't make it any easier to walk through in the moment.

It has been a couple weeks since then and it didn't take long to get used to the idea of not being pregnant with someone else's baby. So Dani and I are coming to California to visit my family and have some rest and relaxation in the sun. My mom already has our scheduled packed with family engagements we won't make it up to San Luis this trip but hopefully in June.

Does anyone have any tips for flying with a wild 15 month old...I know its only a 2-hr plane ride but she hasn't sat still for longer than 5 minutes for awhile.