Working isn't so bad....

Somedays I feel bad for myself...poor me I have to go to work for a couple hours a day and then I capture pictures like this of Dani at work with me and realize I'm blessed! I couldn't ask for a better job that keeps her with me.

Coming to California

I know its been awhile since I've blogged, every time I get on the computer I've been feeling an enormous amount of pressure to blog and so I've just been avoiding it. Here I am trying to get over it...there isn't any reason I haven't been blogging I guess I haven't felt like I had any thing to talk about. I've kinda been in a funk because of a couple of changes in circumstance.

Ok I know out with it, in December Mike & I were approached by our good friends here to possibly carry their baby for them...they've been trying to have a baby since before we met them and due medical circumstances she is currently unable to carry her own baby. Her sister was going to but that didn't work out...so they asked us - me it didn't come completely out of the blue I had commented that I would be open to it when they realized they would need a gestational carry. They would make truly amazing parents...you know when you meet people that can't have children and you know that there must be a mistake.

Anyways many of you are probably saying they should just adopt which is what I said before I had Danika. But the truth is there is a completely different experience that comes with having your own child created by you and your husband...that has many of your characteristics and mannerisms. I think adoption is wonderful but I do respect people's decision to try every avenue before going that route. So Mike & I prayed about this and felt that God was calling me to carrying their baby. I began getting different tests done to see if my body would be a good fit and it was so we got a green light to go forward.

I didn't tell many people because I didn't want their reactions to sway our decision...I felt that this was exactly what I was suppose to do. So I began the process of getting my body ready to receive this embryo by hormone injections, this was definitely not my favorite part...but it wasn't too bad. Mentally I was preparing to carrying this baby for someone else, I had to have a psychological evaluation and we met with attorneys that spelled everything thing out in black and white.

So the day before the transfer where they implant the embryo in my body the fertility office called to report that none of the embryos made it through the unfreezing process. Our friends were devastated...and I was shocked, I thought this is what God had called me to do. I felt confused as to why I would go through this...I know God has a plan bigger than I can comprehend but that doesn't make it any easier to walk through in the moment.

It has been a couple weeks since then and it didn't take long to get used to the idea of not being pregnant with someone else's baby. So Dani and I are coming to California to visit my family and have some rest and relaxation in the sun. My mom already has our scheduled packed with family engagements we won't make it up to San Luis this trip but hopefully in June.

Does anyone have any tips for flying with a wild 15 month old...I know its only a 2-hr plane ride but she hasn't sat still for longer than 5 minutes for awhile.

Snow Day

Something I love about Portland are random snow days...they're magical because snow is forcasted for weeks and never comes then one morning you wake up and it has arrived. Work and school are canceled, everyone comes out of their homes to play in the snow. It is truly beautiful! Dani experienced her first snow day today, she was all smiles...

Christmas in California

These pictures are from christmas morning we walked down to the beach, Dani in pjs just enjoying the sunshine and sand. It truly made me miss living in California, don't get me wrong we love portland...the coffee shops...the rain and cold weather getting bundled up...the zoo...walking in the forest by our house. All that aside I still love California and the feeling of home it has for me...I miss being close to family and friends. Something changed in me this last trip and the idea that one day we might move back rose to the surface, up until recently I thought Portland would be our home for a long time. I'm not saying we're moving back tommorrow I do feel we have a purpose in portland right now but i no longer think it is forever instead I view it as a season.

Anyways, we had a wonderful trip...it was quick packed with family and friend time. Thanks so much Rodgers family, Hollister family, and Mel & Dave for letting us stay in your homes...seeing you made me want to move that much more!
The next post will be Danika's 1st Birthday ....

Everyone Needs an Auntie Meg

Auntie Meg makes everything in life a little better for Dani which in turn makes everything in my life a little better. There is nothing more valuable in my life right now then having a person along with Mike & I who loves Dani unconditionally. Auntie Meg comes over to spend time with Dani about every other day...she is always up to babysit and if she hasn't watched Dani for awhile she demands Mike & I go out on a date! It is hard to put into words my gratitude...thank you does not seem enough when you're talking about someone who loves your child. I do want to thank Auntie Meg for all the love, books, clothes, and reminders of how wonderful it is to have Dani in our lives. We love you Auntie Meg!

Happy Halloween

We had a great first Halloween with Dani!

Pumpkin Patch

Dani and her first trip to the pumpkin patch...we had to put her in a costume! She got alot of attention from various visitors and a couple pictures were taken from a random grandma. The one problem with the skunk costume is she is often viewed as a boy...I'm thinking about tying a pink bow around her tail or something. Dani made her way over and through piles of pumpkins and then we picked one for home.